There are different ways that mothers try to bond with their daughters. Mothers who are already nurturing and have their focus on the family seem to be better at bonding with their daughters. Other moms have to learn how to bond. I do know it is worth the time and effort, because the benefits for your daughter will shape the rest of her life. Parenting is always a challenge, especially parenting teenagers. It is better to create that bond while your daughter is young so it is there when she needs you then wait until she is a teenager.
Some ways are the obvious ones that daughters recognize easily like shopping, or going to the movies, or eating out. The obvious ones are the activities or events that we know our daughter cannot refuse that always work.
One of my most obvious was when I bought mother and daughter dresses for the two of us. I remember when my daughter was about six, I found a company that sold matching mother daughter outfits and mother daughter jewelry. I bought us matching dresses that had denim at the top and a flowery, broom stick skirt. Of course, neither one of us would be caught dead in that same dress again. But at the time it was fun and we liked the comments we would get at church and when we walked home afterward we would twirl. It was a great dress for twirling. My young daughter knew what I was doing, bonding.
There are my more subtle methods of bonding, especially when she seemed to pull away from me. These take more time to ponder and strategize and, sometimes, prayer. I learned when she was young to sneak in bonding when she least expected it and it usually came disguised in another form. Sometimes bonding meant giving her what she needed at the time, her space. Sometimes it even meant to allow her to be moody and unpleasant for a day or two and not comment.
I have learned that creating a strong bond sometimes means not saying anything. And most mothers love to talk and we sometimes talk too much. This hasn’t been an easy one for me. But if it meant it was best for her, then I shut my mouth. And, of course, many other times I have talked when it was what was best even though she didn’t want to hear it. Because she knows I am a mother first, and friend second.
The first eight years of our relationship had been quite pleasant. Then one day I was thrown a curve ball that I wasn’t prepared for. Our local church offered a program for girls. Once a week she would go to another mother’s house, along with other girls her age, and that mother would teach them different things like sewing, cooking, crafts, etc. I must confess, I felt a little threatened. I didn’t like the idea of another mother spending all that time with my daughter and teaching her all those fun things. That was my job and I wanted to share those times with her.
Even though she did go each week and we did support this program, I have to admit I felt jealous. I guess my competitive side kicked in which was only a good thing for her. It meant that I had to put more effort into spending time with her and deciding what I really wanted to teach her. I knew that along with having fun, I wanted to also teach her about my conservative values.
In my efforts to create a plan and organize activities, I began to research what other organizations or programs were available for girls and if there were any mother daughter organizations. I was surprised that there was no organization for mothers and daughters available. I did locate several mother daughter book clubs, but I wanted more activities than just reading books. So next I searched to find a girl scouting program. I remembered a Catholic friend of mind taking me to Brownie Girl Scouts when I was a child, so that is where I started, but it didn’t take long to learn of their liberal agenda and leadership. I learned that they had taken God out of their oath and that was unacceptable to me. And I would still be sending her off to be taught by someone else.
I also considered the American Heritage Girls, a newly-formed Christian organization for girls at the time, but I really didn’t want the structure of a scouting program. When it came right down to it I struggled with sending my daughter anywhere to have others teach her their values. I wanted to be the one that taught my daughter my conservative values and my belief system. I wanted to be the one that created those memories with her and enjoyed all that fun together.
So the very first mother daughter club was organized back in the late 90s. We didn’t have a name for it, we weren’t very organized and there was only the two of us, but we knew we were creating something special. Sometimes we had planned activities, but most of the time we just enjoyed being together and talking.
What happened between us is a bond that can never be broken. It is eternal. And now I have taught her pretty much everything I know and when she wants to talk she knows I am available and she comes to me. She has embraced the same conservative values that I embraced a long time ago and now comes to me with her questions. I am proud of the young lady she has become and excited to watch her become a mother for the first time and pass it all on to another generation, my posterity.
This all happened because my priority was our mother daughter relationship. I made a declaration to the world the second the doctor said, “It’s a girl”. My spirit inside me immediately shouted, “And we are going to be close”. Being close doesn’t just happen. It takes prayer, planning and work. It also helps to have a daughter that wants the same. I have been blessed with a daughter that wanted to be close to her mother and she is.
I invite you to join with us. Visit this special organization at www.legacyclubs.org.
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